


Hold Me

by xkryptoslumiere



Category: 19天 - Old先 | 19 Days - Old Xian
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, I love angst, Jian Yi POV, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Unreciprocated feelings, lol wth am i saying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-13
Updated: 2019-07-13
Packaged: 2020-06-27 12:38:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19791052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xkryptoslumiere/pseuds/xkryptoslumiere
Summary: this love is too powerful and strong and i only feel it towards you — because you're you, and you made me like this.





	Hold Me

honestly, i'd like to be honest with you too. tell you everything, without missing even a single bit. but i fear that after this, you'll turn into a mirage that just passed by me. like you never even happened, really. you just passed by and that's it. i fear that someday, when the time comes that i have to be honest with you, you'll be a part of me and my past and i don't think i could deal with that. i'm too used with having you beside me, and inside my heart. but if ever, fate really did not take pity on me, please do not forget about me. i won't ask you to keep me by your arms. just keep me in your memories, and that's all i ask for.

i already did enough and even way too much just to have your attention. i have to be someone i really am not and honestly, i don't even know who i am. behind closed doors, my eyes automatically close into the void and my body slips into eternal numbness. i found peace in utter darkness. my room isn't much that of a habitable place with clothes thrown everywhere. but as i close my eyes and breathe in, there, i knew i was back at my own little dimension filled with nothing but void. hiraeth dawned on me. zheng xi, you're my home whom i do not belong to nor do you belong to me neither. your touch, even the most little ones, kept this fire inside ignited and my poor heart couldn't take the feeling.

this love is too powerful and strong and i only feel it towards you — because you're you, and you made me like this. life's unfair, and cupid kept on making fun of me. of all people here in the earth, why must it be you? on the other hand, i'm still glad it's you. thank god it's not he tian nor that redhead or whoever shit there is. zheng xi, i hope you can hear how loud my mind is, how strong my love is.

remember that time you took a stone for me? i was so scared that time. i can feel every thrum of my heart and the rush of blood through my veins. i was too agitated of myself. i felt so weak and worthless that time, you know. i never thought that time would come and these pair of eyes so sad would encounter the love of my life, badly hurt because i was nothing but an asshole, a dipshit, a good for nothing, disgusting gay. zheng xi, how bad i wanted to reverse time right that moment and just prevent it from happening. i felt my heart shatter into million pieces the moment you slip out of your consciousness. god, how much you affected me. i'm so sorry for being me, zheng xi. i'm sorry you had to deal with me.

how about the time i jumped right at you the moment i came back after being abducted? and what happened onwards? damn, zheng xi. my heart flipped 360° multiple times i thought it's about to flip its way outside my ribcage. your eyes that time isn't what i see every time we're together. your voice, so deep it was etched deep in my brain and in my heart. i kept on distancing myself, maintaining a safe distance so my heart wouldn't suffer too much. why must you be like that, zheng xi? tell me, what happened during the days i'm not by your side? did you miss me? were you scared? because every time we're not together, i'm dead scared. i miss you every single time my eyes couldn't spot you. i can't feel myself. you hold my life, zheng xi. isn't that weird, though? i own this life but it revolves only around you. you're my salt and light, my strength, and my heart. you hold a great part of me. i was once a body catering only void inside. without you, i'm just a black hole.

_"I have super powers. I'll send you strength.. you have to hold tight"_

i'm still holding on, but my strength can't keep up with this much of a pain. tell me, is it alright to still hold on? zheng xi, can i still hold on? do i still have something to hold on?

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed this lil something! xoxo


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